The Legend of Lobo

Well, it was bound to happen, although we are happy that it took so long: Logan has his first cold. I was sick all last week so I’m sure that’s where he got it, despite the fact that I was bathing in Purell. Fortunately, it isn’t too bad at all…some sniffles and sneezes along with some extra schmutz in his right eye. We called the doctor’s office and a nurse said not to worry unless he gets a high fever or has serious trouble sleeping or eating. If anything, he’s sleeping more, so I’m confident that he’ll get past this little bug quickly.

The attached photo is one that I took of us the other day. Since the majority of Logan’s pics are naturally so soft and cute, I wanted a portrait of us that was more “manly” yet still reflect the deep affection between us. For inspiration, I looked to classic Hollywood photographer George Hurrell. His iconic photos lifted actors to the status of myth, and that was what I was going for. Obviously I’m no Hurrell, but I’m very pleased with how this image turned out.

Nothing much new to report. Logan continues to thrive. He really is turning into a most chill baby, only resorting to his Gigantor Scream of Bloody Death when he is super hungry and we aren’t getting a bottle into his mouth fast enough for his liking. He is smiling more often and almost getting on a half decent sleeping schedule. We are also enjoying his developing cooing sounds, although he still speaks in his familiar grunts. In all, Logan is just trucking along.

To be honest, I only wrote this post as an excuse to show off Logan’s latest portrait. Is he a killer or what!? When will the cute end? If he keeps getting cuter at this rate, eventually space will fold back in on itself and form a rare BHC (Black Hole of Cuteness) from which no one’s gaze can escape.

Well, I can’t say we’re sorry to see the last of 2009.  The year brought us many blessings, but also tremendous challenges.  Our adventures began when I was hospitalized, all the way back in July, and the last six months have passed in a blur.  I’m just now starting to realize what we’ve been through and how hard it’s been.  But we’ve all survived, and, most importantly, Logan is thriving.  As the year ends, I wanted to document his progress so far.

He got an A+ on from the opthamologist last week.  The retinal vessels have matured fully now and there’s no sign of scarring or ROP.  In a month he’ll go to an optometrist to check for near-sightedness, a common condition in preemies (though quite minor compared with ROP).  It’s hard to believe that a child so young can get an accurate vision exam and I’m curious to see how it’s done.  I guessing there won’t be any letter charts.

At the year’s end he weighed eleven pounds and ten ounces, more than four times his birth weight.  Soon his growth will start to slow down like other newborn babies.  By his first birthday, in eight months,  his current weight will probably just double.  From now on we’ll be focusing less on his size and more on his physical abilities and mental development.   With help from our early intervention crew, we’re hopeful he’ll stay on track.

Logan is staying healthy! So far the Synagis treatments seem to be working — at $1,795 a shot they should be (thank goodness for decent insurance!).  Logan hasn’t developed any cold or flu symptoms, and for the first winter I can remember, I haven’t had even a sniffle.  We’re constantly washing our hands and sterilizing all the baby gear, and we’re also staying  home quite a bit, especially me.  I’m not used to being such a homebody so it’s been a challenge for me not to run out to the grocery store or library whenever I want something.  We’re making do with what we have, ordering necessities online, and when supplies dwindle, raiding the freezer to pull together creative meals. I haven’t been to a movie theater since last June, and I don’t expect to go anytime soon. Most of my social interaction is online these days.  I’m getting cabin fever, but there are some real upsides to being semi-quarantined.  I find I have more free time and money now that my excursions are few and far between and shopping is carefully planned.

For 2010 I resolve to count my blessings every day and stop worrying about petty things. I’m going to make health my top priority, and that includes Mom and Dad as well as baby.  Hopefully we’ll reap the rewards next winter and spend the holidays with a wide circle of family and friends. Like this year, I know we’ll have a lot to celebrate!

Logan is developing before our eyes. At four and a half months (or six weeks adjusted), he’s now eleven and a half pounds. That’s more than four times his birth weight. He’s sleeping for longer periods and eating larger volumes over fewer feedings, about six a day now, down from eight-nine when he first arrived home.

When he was a new-born I’d hold him on my upper chest for comfort, and he could fit easily into my two hands with his tiny head tucked under my chin. I remember thinking that one day he’d be long enough to reach my waist. Now he fills my arms with his chin resting on my shoulder and his feet in my lap. He’s getting heavy to hold!

This week he started really playing with his soft rattle toys. He’s able to follow them with his eyes and ears and swat at them to make them tinkle. He smiles frequently and even seems to mimic us when we talk to him and make faces. He’s vocalizing often, cooing and yelping at us or sometimes just to entertain himself when he’s supposed to be sleeping. Ash and I frequently laugh at the cartoon-character sounds coming from his bassinet. He’s still sleeping quite a bit, but during his alert times he’s much more engaged with us and his environment.

I’m still surprised by how my much fun it is to watch him grow. We’re enchanted and touched by the tiniest signs of progress, and now there’s something new each day.

Sleepy Lil’ Santa after a long day’s work.

It’s hard work making all those toys and going down all those chimneys. Good thing Santa had help from his trusty nutcracker pal.

Merry Christmas, everyone!

New England winter nights are lovely when the sky is clear and the stars bright. A blanket of snow casts a glow and a hush over the landscape. I used to love to stay up and write on night like these, but lately my silents nights are very early mornings and the silence, if it comes, follows Logan’s feedings.  It’s rare that I’m awake enough to fully appreciate these peaceful moments, but they are magical.

Tonight we went to Christmas Eve services at the First Universalist Society of Salem to hear my friend Marjorie preach. She recounted the nativity story, and I was surprised how moving it was this time. The old, familiar tale of a wandering young family felt new again as I listened with Logan sleeping in my arms.

I was happy that Marjorie included one of my favorite quotes, from a poem by Sophia Lyon Fahs: “…each night a child is born is a holy night.” To me, this is the perfect distillation of the Christmas story. It’s about a star, a child, and a flicker of new hope in the darkness.

This past year brought more than a few dark times for our family, but each day — and each night — gets brighter. We’re recovering and even thriving. Logan’s dazzling smiles comfort our minds and warm our hearts. Hope and gratitude make even the most mundane things holy on these bright, silent nights.

“And so the children come.
And so they have been coming.
Always in the same way they come —
Born of the seed of man and woman.

No angels herald their beginnings,
No prophets predict their future courses,
No wise men see a star to point their way
To find a babe that may save humankind.
Yet each night a child is born is a holy night.

Fathers and Mothers —
Sitting beside their children’s cribs —
Feel glory in the wond’rous sight of life beginning.
They ask: “When or how will this new life end?
Or will it ever end?”

Each night a child is born is a holy night                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                             –a time for singing, a time for wondering, a time for worshipping.”

–Sophia Lyon Fahs

After the wonderful visit of Grandmother June, it was time for Grandpa Jim and Grandma Betty to meet Logan. They’ve seen plenty of pictures, of course, but nothing substitutes meeting in the flesh and seeing first-hand just how adorable he is becoming. It was a meaningful time for them to visit since it was Mom’s 72nd birthday on the 9th. She couldn’t stop gazing at Logan and had to resist constantly wanting to hold him (especially when he was sleeping).  I don’t think she could have asked for a better present than to spend time with her grandson.

For myself, it was great to see how well my parents are doing—they look great and are still as energetic as ever. On the second day both Janet and I had to work and it was raining cats and dogs, and still they managed to entertain themselves by walking to the nearby art museum. Mom took great delight in getting a free entree at the Hawthorne for her birthday. I also took them to the New England Aquarium and to Faneuil Hall, even though it was bitterly cold; they both love to learn and have an insatiable curiosity about history and the natural world, traits that we hope to pass on to Logan.

My folks are almost entirely preoccupied with their grandchildren—they are clearly the light in their eyes. In fact, I think that their grandkids have given them a new life of a sorts, with more purpose and joy than they’ve had for years. Since my niece Claire made her appearance, my Mom has a new bounce in her step and I’ve never seen my father laugh and smile so much. It is just magical to see the transformation, and it reminds me that Logan is far and away the most special thing I’ve ever accomplished. I can’t wait for the time when we can all be in Texas, where Logan can really get to know his cousins, his aunts and uncles, and his loving grandparents.

For Thanksgiving my mother trekked up north to meet Logan. It was wonderful to spend time with Mom and to watch her bond with her first grandchild. I know she’d been worried about us for the last four months, so I hope her visit reassured her that Logan and I are getting stronger and healthier each day. I really missed Mom during the difficult months of hospitals and constant anxiety, so it was especially satisfying for me to reconnect with her. When the flu season is over Ash, Logan, and I will fly to Texas to meet Logan’s extended families on both sides. That will be a time of serious celebration!

I was blessed to be raised by a wonderfully loving and supportive mother, and I’ve benefited in countless ways from the great start she gave me. I hope I can do half as much for Logan.  It’s a good thing Mom had a bit of grandmother practice with Logan, because next week we’ll be welcoming my brother’s first child into the family. Logan and his cousin Adam will be almost exactly the same age, and we hope they become fast friends.

I wonder what Mom thinks about this reproductive craziness? There hadn’t been a birth in our family in nearly forty years, and then suddenly two babies arrive within a few months of one another. I hope Mom enjoys being a grandmother; it’s clear she’s a natural. Now she just needs to decide what she’d like the boys to call her.

Today we retired the first blog name, The Saga of Sprout. “Sprout” was the nickname we had for Logan before we had any idea what to call him. Even after we had picked it out we continued to use Sprout in general reference to him because we didn’t want to “give away” his name until he was born. So, it made sense to name the blog after that first moniker.

But our son is no longer a sprout, so it’s time for a change. Mom was the one who first came up with the nickname Lobo, which is an abbreviated combination of LOgan BOwie. We both use this name frequently with him, often calling him “Little Lobo.”

And so today we present, The Legend of Lobo!

It is impossible to put into words the depth of gratitude we have for Logan. Having any child is a major feat, but I think it is fair to say that the trials we all went through to get Logan home were extraordinary. We would not have loved him less if the process had been more typical, but our sense of thanks is certainly more profound. For his first couple of months, each small step was a victory—getting him off the ventilator, digesting his food, reaching three pounds, breathing without the CPAP, removing the monitors…all the while waiting for the other shoe to drop. That shoe has not dropped yet, amazingly.

And now we’ve turned a major corner—we no longer think in terms of dealing with deficits but now celebrate normal milestones in human development. Today Logan weighed in at 8 pounds and 15 ounces, just shy of a full 9 pounds. He is a healthy, plump, robust, and very charming boy. Lack of sleep aside, our day-to-day experience with Logan is wonderful, filled with squeals, hugs, kisses, and laughter.

We know that challenges await us, even if we do not yet know their form. That is just life. But we will do everything we can to remember the great fortune that we have in Logan, and that whatever costs come with those challenges, they will pale in comparison to the joy and love that he brings into our lives.

Logan is 14 weeks old today, or the developmental equivalent of a two week-old newborn. We keep thinking we hear proto-chuckles and we’re watching closely for a shadow of a smile. It’s coming soon.

Last week Logan developed a new cry. I wasn’t familiar with the sound, and my usual offerings didn’t work. He wasn’t soothed with food, pacifer, blanket, or a fresh diaper. Finally it occurred to me that maybe he just wanted to be held, and voila! Happy baby. It may sound strange that it took me a while to figure this out, but until recently Logan’s needs were all physical. He usually seemed comfortable being held, but he didn’t seek it. He’s now developing socially and emotionally, and it’s thrilling to see. He responds to my voice and touch and loves it when Ash tickles him or lifts him overhead. He’ll watch me work or read with a curious alertness, and sometimes he looks almost like he might start speaking to me.

We’ve been getting to know this baby for three and a half months, and for most of this time we’ve watched him struggle to cope before he was ready to join the world. Other parents meet their kids much later in their development, so the smiles and coos come relatively soon. For us, they’ll come right on time but after long anticipation.

Today is Logan’s three-month birthday! It is a bit strange because although he is technically 3 months, we continue to think of him in terms of his developmental age, which is 41 weeks. I have been tracking his growth and comparing the numbers to data from intrauterine research and CDC studies. As expected, at birth he immediately fell far below average on his weight (although not his length, which has continued to be around the 90th percentile). Since that initial drop, he remained below average but climbed at nearly the same rate as babies still in the womb. In the last three weeks, however, Logan’s growth has accelerated, and at 8 pounds, 2 ounces he is just shy of 50% for a baby at 41 weeks of development (in the U.S.). So, for a 41-weeker he is right on track, while as a 3-monther he remains far behind the average. At some point he will probably “catch up” and we will only think in terms of his birth age. Until then, we are thrilled at his growth and are especially happy to see his little arms and legs finally getting that newborn chub.

We also eagerly await his first real smile. He can make the facial gesture, but the intent behind it isn’t there yet. We frequently ask ourselves, is that a smile? The answer continues to be no, but he could start any day now.

Logan is also awake more and he will frequently look around a lot, as if he were exploring the room. It’s clear that he is really looking at things and not just randomly pointing his eyes. When one of us feeds him he will really gaze at our face with those big gray eyes. At the same time, he isn’t really responding to sounds yet; for example, he won’t look at us simply because we call his name. But that will certainly change soon.

We really like that Logan is still at a point where we can stick him in his carrier and we don’t have to worry about him crawling into the pantry if we go into another room for two minutes. When he starts to crawl we will have to keep a constant eye on him; right now he can’t even turn over. But hopefully by that time he will be sleeping through the night and we’ll have a bit more energy to keep up with him.

It’s all a trade off and, frankly, it’s amazing how things have and continue to work out. Even the fact that our work arrangements are such that one of us is always able to be home with Logan, even with two full-time schedules. We are tired all the time but we are still able to give him the attention he needs. I think if there is only one thing we could change right now it would be to have our family nearby. But with luck and hard work, that can happen within the next couple of years. We can’t wait to find out what he’s going to be like by then…