The Legend of Lobo

Yesterday I had a hunch and this morning, when I woke early, it was overwhelming. I was so distracted by the possibility that l told Ash I wanted to take a pregnancy test before we set off to New York. I felt embarrassed voicing my suspicions. It seemed so neurotic and almost pitiful. Realistically, it wasn’t very likely. I told myself that by getting a negative on the test, I could stop wondering and just enjoy Ash’s birthday trip to the city.

But on the way to Walgreens, I started to sweat. By the time I was in the store searching for the tests I was so nervous I couldn’t see what was in front of me. I was dizzy with certainty. I wandered up and down the aisles, circling, trying to prepare myself for the answer I already knew.

Back home Ash was gentle and anxious. He’d had less than an hour to absorb the possibility, while I’d been sidling up to it for several days.

The second blue line appeared in seconds, even before I had a chance to wash my hands. I was shaking when I told Ash, “It’s positive.” We hugged, I cried, and neither of us quite believed it. I’m almost three weeks along, or five in the odd “menstrual calendar.” It will be a while before we get used to this change, and a bit longer before we trust that it will last.

Life is moving fast these days, but we both waited a long time to meet the right person and become parents .  Ash asked me to marry him on the winter solstice and we decided to start trying to get pregnant in January.  We conceived on Valentine’s Day.