The Legend of Lobo

Today is Logan’s first birthday! In addition to marking his special day, we’re celebrating the end of a long, hard year for our family. Each month has brought new progress, more good news, and extra reasons to be grateful. It feels so good to get to this major milestone. We truly have many reasons to celebrate!

Our little dude isn’t so little any more. His birth weight has increased more than eight times, from a feather-light 2.5 pounds to a hefty 20+ today. He’s happy, healthy, and growing mentally and socially as well as physically. We owe so much to the wonderful doctors, nurses, and therapists who helped him during his early months, especially Sara and Lillian, his primary nurses in Brigham and Women’s NICU. And we couldn’t have managed without the love and support of our families. Those days seems far away now, but our gratitude will never fade. Thank you!

Yesterday we threw a little party and introduced Logan to Mom and Dad’s Oakland friends. He charmed them all! Today we had cake, more presents, and a photo shoot. He’s getting used to the lights and camera.

Happy birthday, Logan! We love you!

We’re making a new home in Oakland and enjoying the friendly, sunny California lifestyle. We’ve had fun setting up Logan’s bedroom. To match Dad’s bookcase, I painted an old lamp base and the frame of a shabby antique mirror. All of these would have been Goodwill donations, but they got a second life with trimmings in electric blue and lime green (Logan’s racing colors!). We’re getting to be regulars at the local hardware store.

Our little guy is crawling, clapping, and eating like a lumberjack. He chirps and babbles in a private language that sounds like Hebrew one day, and Chipmunk the next. He’s sleeping soundly at night, playing hard during the day, and enjoying long walks around Lake Merritt. The geese and pelicans are special favorites. Logan’s first birthday is coming up next week, and we keep asking ourselves, “Has it really only been a year?”

It feels like he’s been in our lives forever, and this last year was a very long one. Although his birth was traumatic and the date was far too early, I’m determined to have a genuine celebration on his birthday. Lots of preemie parents dread the day, and some even try to ignore it, but I’m going to make sure it’s a happy one for him, each and every year.

The last few weeks have been a major transition for the entire family. As I write this, I have started my pre-doc internship, Janet has finished her employment at the UUA, and Logan has his first room here in Oakland. Getting from Salem to here has been a major project, and it seems right somehow that almost exactly one year ago Janet went to the emergency room to take care of a strange ear blockage.

Logan continues to thrive. No major milestone leaps since last report, but he is steadily moving in the right direction. His babbling is becoming much more complex and it really does sound like he’ll say his first word any minute now. He has also started a hilarious chant where he’ll belt out a boisterous “YA! YA! YA! YA! YA!” and then crack himself up.

He is still doing his military crawl and has become much faster and more agile. Every now and then he’ll crawl into a narrow space and get stuck and call out for help, but he is a pretty good escape artist for the most part. Clapping hands has also become a common activity which he does spontaneously, although he gets a little confused when we clap with him. He is getting better at standing up with only a little help; we are waiting for the milestone of holding himself up using furniture, but he’s still a few weeks away from that I think.

Logan’s diet continues to expand—his new favorite thing is graham crackers, and he also enjoys Ritz crackers and chocolate chip cookies. But he’ll eat pretty much anything that he can hold and is easy to eat, like bread, avocados, and crumbled veggie burger. It’s nice that Logan has started to feed himself even though it means a constant pool of crumbs around his high chair.

We are all enjoying Logan having his very own bedroom. Grammy June’s crib arrived none too soon, since Logan has been sleeping on his floor these last few days—carpeted but not comfy like his new cushy mattress. Also, Janet found a couple of old bookshelves that someone at our apartment building was throwing away…they were a dirty white, but solidly built. I took one and painted it blue and green, and now it is a fun kid’s bookshelf, which Logan certainly needs now. I have to say, it was incredibly satisfying to put together furniture for Logan—it may be stereotypically Dad of me, but true.

Logan’s first birthday is coming up in a couple of weeks and we are planning on a little get together with Bay Area friends. Stay tuned…

Even before he was born, I’d been dreaming about introducing Logan to my grandmother, Carmen.  She turned 95 this year, so there’s nearly a century between her birth and Logan’s.  She’s not able to fly now, and for most of his first year Logan wasn’t able to travel at all, so their meeting was delayed far long than I had wished.  But we’re all finally together at Carmen’s house for a few weeks, and seeing her with her great-grandson is every bit as satisfying as I had imagined.  Ash took some wonderful pictures of Logan and Carmen together, and some with the two of them, my mother, and me.  Considering how long I waited to have a child, it’s remarkable that we have a four-generations portrait.

My grandmother is  a strong and independent woman, and completely unlike anyone I’ve ever met. Even now, she has more energy and determination than most of us. She never wanted to be known as “mama” or “grandma,” so her children and grandchildren have always called her Carmen.   I hope to hear Logan say her name soon, maybe when we visit again for Christmas.

Ash, Logan, and I are all sleeping in different states again tonight. We’re moving across the country from Salem to Oakland, alighting briefly in Texas to visit our families and friends. On Friday we’ll be back together again for the first time in a week. It’s been a long year with many challenges, and this move feels like the final hurdle before we can relax and start living.

Last Friday my mother took Logan to stay with her and my Grandmother, Carmen, while we dismantled our home for the move. I know he’s being showered with love and care, and I’m grateful he gets to spend time with his mother and only great-grandparent. Still I miss my little guy, and I’m looking forward to holding him again and seeing his bright smile.

Here’s a photo my mother took of Logan flying first class, thanks to an upgrade after flight changes and delays. The plane is on the tarmac in Atlanta, and they’re waiting to start the second leg of their journey. Logan is sleeping soundly, holding his favorite bed-time pal. It was a big adventure, but he and Lambie took it all in stride. It was a long day and a late night before they got home to a real bed.

I’m so grateful Logan has a terrific Dad.  I often wonder how I got smart enough to choose so well.  Ash is a wonderful father, and I look forward to celebrating many milestones with him.  Happy Father’s Day!

As the days tick by, Logan continues to change and grow. There are a few biggish changes since the last update, including the shy appearance of two front teeth. Small but sharp! His eating routine is also changing rapidly. He is taking in less formula now and getting more food. This can include the familiar rice and oatmeal cereal, along with various fruit and veggie purees, but we’ve started experimenting with other foods as well—Logan has enjoyed soggy Cheerios, baby yogurt, ice cream, mashed potatoes, watermelon, and cream cheese. So far, at least, he isn’t a fussy eater, although he makes a hilarious face when we put a new food in his mouth until he gets used to it. The only foods he hasn’t really enjoyed are green beans and bananas.

Logan is becoming a crazy babbler. Lots of goo goo baa baa along with various yelps, chirps, and roars. No words yet, but we get the feeling that we’ll hear that first one any day now. And he is still quick to smile and laugh. Logan is simply a very social baby—he loves to interact with us; he will hold a gaze for quite a while and frequently reaches out to grab at us. He is a lot of fun to play with—we’ve just started playing a peekaboo game where we will hold a cloth toy over our face saying “Where is Mommy/Daddy?” until he pulls it away and we say “Peekaboo!”; then we’ll put it over his face and do the same when he pulls it away—he smiles and giggles every time.

Mobility is also seeing changes. He easily rolls over on his belly now, but he isn’t yet crawling. His current method of locomotion is a combination of rolling and what we call the “fish flop”, which involves arching his butt off the ground and scootching his shoulders and then his feet in the direction he wants. He can flop across a room in just a few seconds using this method.

Logan loves to kick rapidly while lying on his back, like a swimmer’s kick, and he can really pack a wallop now. This is probably due in part to hanging out in his baby bouncer, where he can really work up a sweat jumping up and down like a madman. Alas, he is behind on sitting up…he still can’t do it for more than a few seconds without help. He won’t try to balance or catch himself—he’ll just let himself plop over. But we work with him everyday on it, and he is improving.

Even with all these changes, Logan is doing well settling into a routine. We are lucky in that he sleeps through the whole night! During the day he generally has three naps around the same time, along with three meals of food and then formula as needed. We’ve gotten good at telling when he’s hungry and when he needs sleep. When it’s nearing bedtime, we will read a story or two and then tuck him in with a final bottle. He has a little cloth lamb and a glowworm that lights up, and he usually needs us to play with one for a few minutes until he grabs it and shoves it in his mouth. That’s the signal that he’s ready to sleep. On bath nights, now that Logan is too big for his baby tub, Mommy will take a bath with him and then Daddy takes him and dries him off and whisks him off to bed. In all, it’s a very good system.

Logan is just a wonderful baby. We both love spending time with him. At his worst he isn’t much trouble and there is certainly a greater abundance of smiles, giggles, and playful roars. We frequently sing terrible, made up songs to him, tickle and kiss him, and lots of snuggles and dancing. Logan has made our lives so rich and we love him dearly.

Today is Mother’s Day and I am immensely grateful for the two primary mothers in my life: my own mother and the mother of my son. They have their differences, of course, but the similarities they share are what’s really important—loving concern, fierce protectiveness, an adoring eye, pragmatism, and a firm belief that their child is deeply special. They both also share a basic compassion towards others and a sense of optimism about what the world can offer and what their children can accomplish. In short, they are wonderful parents who make it possible for a child to feel safe, loved, and encouraged. It is wonderful to watch Janet bloom as a mother; she is far better at it than she gives herself credit for. Just as I was, Logan is fortunate to have the mother he has and I have no doubt that she will help him flourish as he grows into the man he will one day become.

For Mother’s Day, I took Janet out to eat at her favorite local Indian restaurant, along with Lobo. He has developed a thing where he wants to grab anything near him and put it in his mouth. He was being a little fussy, so decided to hold him while I ate, which calmed him down. This was no problem until he decided to grab a container of yogurt sauce, which naturally exploded everywhere. It was all over the table, the floor, and me. Of course Logan wasn’t fazed by this at all and kept grabbing at stuff while I tried to get cleaned up. While grabbing is developmentally positive, it was a reminder that the more Logan wants to interact with his environment, the more trouble he’s going to get into. But at least Mom escaped the yogurt bomb and was able to finish her meal.

Logan is now eight months old, and he’s strong, healthy, and active. He’s had his last Synagis shot, he’s “graduated” from his opthamological care, and he’s on track to graduate from the early intervention program in June. Soon we may be down to just regular well-baby visits to the pediatrician. Fingers crossed!

On Monday, Kerri, Logan’s new occupational therapist, taught him some new tricks and he’s been showing off by rolling over whenever we put him on his tummy. Sometimes he keeps on rolling in one direction, like a log, until something stops him. We have to watch him all the time now, and once he’s on his feet we’ll never catch him.

The first time we put him in his exer-saucer, just a few months ago, he sat there and cried. His feet were dangling in the air and he kept his arms down by his sides. He was overwhelmed and pitiful. Now he dominates that thing, spinning around and whacking at the toys with vigor and glee. Today I bought him a jumper to help channel all that bounding little boy energy.

In the baby store it was strange to see all the products for pregnant mothers and new-borns, things I  purchased eagerly less than a year ago. Last spring I devoured books on pregnancy and childbirth and stockpiled tiny outfits. So many of the items I treasured then are outgrown or irrelevant now. It’s startling to see how much has changed in one short year, and it’s mind-blowing how quickly Logan’s grown. Soon the breastfeeding stage will be behind us, and then the last physical link to pregnancy will be gone. Instead of a fragile baby, we’ll be living with a rowdy, curious toddler.

And he’s getting there quickly! He’s babbling cheerfully all day long, with new consonants in his repertoire—g, l, and d. He’s gobbling up new foods with gusto. He’s grasping and clutching and hugging. My mother said we’d be delighted when he reached out his arms to be picked up, and she was right.

The long New England winter is over and Logan made it through without any set-backs or hospitalizations. We’re trading vigilance for fun, and it’s time to venture into the world with our little guy.

Spring is springing! Last Saturday we all went on a family outing and it was great. Logan is a fabulous travel companion, although he seems a little confused sometimes about what “outside” really is. We are hoping to change that in the next few weeks as the weather continues to warm.

Logan’s weight growth has slowed considerably (16 pounds, 10 ounces today), probably because he is using the calories to develop his brain. He is becoming more interactive and intentional; we see him grasping and manipulating his toys, often to gnaw on them (one of his favorite hobbies). His teeth are gearing up to make an appearance, and it’s obviously uncomfortable for the little guy. He isn’t turning over yet, but he is getting stronger; while on his tummy he can easily hold himself up with his arms. Logan is also ultracute when he lifts up his legs to grab his feet, something he does a lot lately.

Perhaps the biggest shift lately has come in his eating—he is eating food several times a day now and we don’t have to trick him to get a spoonful in his mouth. He loves applesauce the best, but sweet potatoes and carrots do the trick as well. For a while this transition was playing havoc on his digestion, but things are smoothing out now, so to speak.

Logan is also becoming a sturdy and fearless play partner. He loves to bounce vigorously on a leg and he cackles with glee when he is thrown up into the air. Tickling is also becoming popular and Lobo gets a big smile when he’s turned upside down. When lying on his back he will kick up a storm—this kid really wants to walk and run. It’s strange to think this robust little powerhouse was not too long ago as fragile as a bird.

And boy is Lobo vocal! He doesn’t articulate consonants yet, but he grunts, coos, whines, chirps, squeals, cries, giggles, and roars pretty much whenever he isn’t feeding or sleeping. At this rate, he’s going to talk our ears off when the time comes.

Finally, Logan’s attachment system is manifesting a new behavior. When he’s sitting in our lap close to our chest, he will be looking out into the room or at one of us and then quickly turn his face into the chest and grab at us, like he is acting shy. He will do this several times very quickly. He isn’t being shy, though—I think he is “practicing” for when he will start exploring the world on his own, a behavior that also involves returning to the “secure base” of the parent. Outside of basic physiological needs, helping Logan become securely attached to us is a primary developmental goal. We want Logan to establish a sense of security about the world and confidence in himself, and these early years play a critical role in that. In the first couple of years, our job is to be here for him, to satisfy his needs and “teach” him that the world is a place he can handle. So far, I think we’re doing a pretty good job 🙂

Logan turned seven months the other day, and we haven’t updated the blog in a month. Yes, we have been incredibly busy, but for the most part it is because there isn’t much new to report. The Lobomeister gets cuter every day, stronger, more engaging and social. And fussier. We were lucky in that we missed out on colic, but Logan is definitely starting to whine and cry more for mysterious reasons. But that doesn’t take away from the joy he brings into our lives every day.

Lobo is up to 16 pounds now and finally growing some hair. He still hates being on his stomach, which isn’t great because he needs to build his arm strength and work towards crawling. But the little guy is a kicker—he swings those legs with some serious force and we are terrified of what life will be like when he becomes bipedal. He is drooling like mad lately so we know those teeth are coming in any day.

Today is the first day of Spring and the weather is really letting us know it. Crystal blue skies, temps in the 50s to 70s, and every flake of snow long melted. We have been waiting for this season so we can end Logan’s hibernation and introduce him to the world. We have taken him out a few times, of course, but as the weather warms he will experience the Big Blue Room more and more. We have the stroller rarin’ to go and the BabyBjorn is waiting to carry Lobo into new adventures. In fact, I think we’ll go for a nice stroll today…

Logan was born six months ago today. People often remark how time flies as babies mature, but for me it’s just the opposite. It’s hard to believe Logan has been with us only half a year. It feels like we started this journey a lifetime ago, and I can’t remember life without him.

Our little guy’s development is somewhere between his adjusted age of three months and his birth age of six. He’s teething now and eating rice cereal and vegetable purees. He’s sleeping through the nights and settling into a regular schedule, but his gross motor skills are still fairly immature, and he’s not yet able to roll over or crawl.

He’s finally developing some fine motor skills. His fingers are becoming more nimble as he grasps and explores with his hands. He’s very social and loves to engage with us by cooing and laughing and mimicking our speech—or trying to. My favorite exercise is to say to him, very slowly, “I. Love. YOU.” He’s getting the hang of it, and now he’ll join me on the last word with a long, “Oooh!” Then we squeal and laugh together. It will be a while before he says his first real word, but we’re already looking forward to that day.

He’s very interested in toys and music. And faces! He tracks anything with two eyes and a mouth, whether it’s his parents, his stuffed animals, or someone in a picture or on television. So, about television— to my dismay he’s actually watching it now! If it’s on, he’ll swivel his head all the way around in his high chair or rotate his body on the play mat to watch. He’s a total male. I guess it’s time for us to clean up our bad habits and postpone our evening movies until he’s gone to sleep.

I’m constantly surprised what a low-maintenance baby he is. The NICU nurses predicted that he’d be laid-back with a pleasant temperament, and they were right. He rarely fusses, and when he does it’s quite easy to soothe him (usually all it takes is milk). He’s nearly always cheerful and frequently delighted—with us, his food, his toys, everything. It’s hard to believe this little creature began life too soon, spent his first weeks in extreme discomfort, and had to struggle for each breath. He seems so comfortable and content now, and for this we are deeply grateful.

Logan was conceived last Valentine’s Day, so this is a special milestone for all of us. One year later our wish has become a complete little person and our lives are changed forever.

So many people kept me healthy during my difficult pregnancy and helped Logan develop into a happy, thriving baby. We send our love and thanks to the doctors and nurses of the ante-partum and NICU units at Brigham and Women’s Hospital, and to all our family and friends who supported us during the last difficult, amazing year. You’ll be in our hearts forever!

It’s mid-winter and our hibernating family is settling into a nice domestic groove.  After an anxious summer and fall, Ash and I relax a bit more each day as we watch Logan grow and blossom. The other day I realized I’ve lost track of his age in weeks. Back in August we measured his life in days and now, in what seems like a blink of an eye, it’s become months  — we’re creeping up to six, the half-year mark.

Logan weighs more than thirteen pounds and is a wiggly bundle of baby pudge. He’s taking in at least four ounces at a feeding and waiting longer for the next one. His Buddha belly expands a bit each day. He’s outgrowing his clothes, his bassinet, and our apartment. We have a mounting pile of newborn and 3-month clothing, so anyone expecting a boy please raise your hand.

Logan’s becoming more diurnal, falling asleep before midnight and waking only once at night for milk. During the days he’s bright and active. He spends lots of time in his baby gym kicking and grasping and having a grand old time. It’s amazing how much he loves this thing. He chuckles and yelps along to his music box and everything is wonderful for about twenty solid minutes, after which he gets overstimulated and starts to cry. So I pick him up and carry him or sing to him until he nods off for a few minutes. We repeat the process at least four times a day.

His social needs are becoming more pronounced. He loves for us to sing, read, and play with him. He watches us intently and tries to mimic our speech, but most of what he says still sounds like “arrgh.” When we eat, he keeps a close eye on our forks, following them from plate to mouth. It will soon be time to try feeding him some mushy “solid” food. He watches us all the time, actually, tracking us as we move across the room and making eye contact even in semi-darkness. His vision is strong and the optometrist gave him two thumbs up yesterday.

Logan is able to sit up now with a bit of help, though he hasn’t yet mastered rolling over. He’s graduating from his cradle-carry slings and settling into  Aunt Kate’s Baby Bjorn carrier. I’ll be taking him out soon for a test-run in the big world, and he should be an old pro when it’s time to welcome spring.

It takes a lot more energy and attention to meet his daytime needs now. It’s a good thing he’s letting us sleep at night, because there’s no time for afternoon naps anymore! Our tiny, tender preemie has become a roly-poly baby, and we’re seeing glimpses of the rowdy toddler who will soon emerge. And he is very much a boy, our Little Dude.

I had no idea these first few months would be so fascinating, and so much fun. Ash and I are constantly grateful for this wonderful experience.

Today is Logan’s five-month birthday (ten weeks corrected). It’s amazing how far he’s come since August, and even since he came home from the hospital. Although he has a definite “Logan Look”, we can’t help but notice that he also changes every few days. For a while he was getting really round in the face, and now he’s back to being leaner and more boyish.

At the same time, Logan hasn’t really reached any new milestones since he started smiling, such as fully pushing himself up or rolling over (although he is starting to babble more and sleep longer at night, which is a welcome development). But we are no longer preoccupied with such things—he’ll get there in his own time. We weighed him today (coming in at 12 pounds, 5 ounces), but even that is something we only do once or twice a week now. For the most part, we are simply enjoying his company, living more in the moment and less in the future. Which isn’t to say that we aren’t curious about who Logan will be when he’s older! That is an adventure that is unfolding for us day to day, and there isn’t any other trip we’d rather take than the one we’re on with our dearest Logan.